


wear my heart on my fist

by haloud



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Bonding, Gen, M/M, Pre-Slash, Ryuji is a Tender Ruffian and i want him to Help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 18:28:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10904967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haloud/pseuds/haloud
Summary: As Yusuke struggles under the burdens of art block, an unexpected source steps in to give uncharacteristic advice.





	wear my heart on my fist

**Author's Note:**

> title comes from anything by hedley

It’s the unfriendly stares that drove him out of the sure to be ritzy as hell studios offered by the school.  Yusuke never says as much; he rhapsodizes frequently about the benefits of diversifying environments and simplifying one’s work space and focuses on his search for beauty or the reasons for his art block rather than something as petty as the opinions of his classmates.  Still, though, Ryuji knows.  He went through all that shit back with the track team.  Nothing gets you dragged through the dirt more than adults, whether it’s because you’re a suck-up or because you’re a fuck-up—and Yusuke has gone from the first one to the second one in no time flat.  Yusuke is matter-of-fact about the whole school situation, but it’s still gotta be getting to him.

And there’s no better evidence for that than the number of different “studios” Yusuke has tried out over the past couple weeks.  One or more of the Thieves has run into him all sorts of places—inside Leblanc after Akira had sworn he locked up, Shujin’s rooftop on a Sunday afternoon, some slimy, godforsaken corner of Mementos, even the goddamn fishing spot on a day that had like an 80 percent chance of thunderstorms.  Something has to give, and like usual it winds up being Akira’s ability to not be the friendliest nosy bastard on the planet.  He offers up his attic bedroom as a makeshift art studio on days when he has other stuff to do around the city.  Also like usual, Yusuke doesn’t even blink or stop to consider what a sacrifice someone is making for him; he just seizes Akira’s hand and clutches it for a while, babbling on in his smooth, quiet voice about what a credit the dusty, quaint atmosphere will be for his concentration.

Well.  Ryuji can’t let that stand.  Yusuke’s a good guy, but Ryuji’d sooner take a bullet than let his number one bro’s kindness get taken advantage of.  For all Fox’s loyalty, there’s like a half-and-half chance he’ll decide one day that art demands he dismember Akira’s houseplant, or throw his TV out the window, or, hell, cut a fuckin hole in the floor.  Nah, better that Yusuke have a chaperone for this, and Ryuji volunteers.

So that’s what his days off become.  Chilling on Akira’s futon while Yusuke frets and flits around the room, talking to himself in increasingly anguished tones.  Eventually, it gets to be too much for Ryuji’s sanity, and he speaks up.

“If you’re having such a hard time with your art ever since the museum, maybe you should try painting, y’know, him.”

Yusuke goes very still—shoulders dropped, spine straight, hands at his sides.  He tilts his head to the side and narrows his eyes in the bright sunlight filtering in through the tiny, dusty window.  “…What?” He finally asks.

Ryuji rounds his shoulders defensively, slumping down on the thin mattress and bouncing his knee.  “Whatever, man, I dunno.  It was just a suggestion.”

“No, please.  Go on.  What do you mean, precisely?”

“I don’t mean nothing.  It was stupid.”

“…Alright, then.”

Yusuke turns back to his canvas.  Several minutes pass.  His brush stays poised an inch above its surface, his body a slim, elegant line, a little frown furrowing his brow.   Ryuji tips his head back to stare at the ceiling.  It _was_ stupid, to open his mouth about something like that.  What a half-assed, shitty suggestion—Ryuji has seen how much passion and vulnerability Yusuke funnels into all his work; how could he suggest something as stupid as turning that energy—the thing that brings Yusuke peace—towards the guy who tried to ruin his whole life?

Still, though, Ryuji’s never been able to keep his big, fat mouth shut.  “I dunno, it’s just, like, a suggestion though.”

“Please, Ryuji, will you just _tell_ me what possible good would come from painting Sens—Madarame?”

Shit.  The name—the stuttered-over honorific—cracks like a whip in the air between them, Yusuke’s voice coiled taut and straining.  Ryuji folds his arms tighter and digs his nails into his skin.  He keeps his eyes fixed on the ceiling as he says, “Like…ok, man, you have to swear not to tell anyone this, ever.  Like, I haven’t even told Akira.  So you better keep your trap shut.”  He swallows painfully.  “After…after all that shit went down with Kamoshida and the track team, I kinda had to see a guy.  A couple times.  For my anger problems or whatever.  I thought it was lame, but my mom really wanted me to go through with it, and...anyway, yeah, I went to a couple of these sessions.”

Yusuke is silent while Ryuji digs deep for the words, but he has this way of listening that makes Ryuji feel like they’re having a conversation anyway.  Sometimes Yusuke seems to understand this silence better than he understands regular conversation.

“So, like, I’m pretty damn stupid, and I was too pissed off to really put in any effort to this touchy-feely shit, but even I learned some things.  It’s like…it ain’t good to keep shit all bottled up, yeah?  You gotta find a healthy outlet or whatever.  Art’s all about emotion, so…and, like, I know you may freak out when I say this, ‘cause it’s you, but the painting doesn’t even have to be _good_ this time.  No one’s gotta see it.  I just figured that since Madarame was the thing that’s got you all twisted up and shit, maybe with painting you could, I dunno, work some stuff out.  Look, it was a shitty idea, and I shouldn’t have said it, so—“

“…Perhaps…”

“Yeah?”  Ryuji rolls up into a sitting position, pathetic in his eagerness but too excited to rein it in.  Maybe he _hasn’t_ landed himself a reservation for one to chow down on his own foot for once.

“Well.  At the very least, action is better than inaction.  I—but no, the chances are too considerable that my rendering his visage would irreparably corrupt my—but no, my art has already been corrupted by this darkness within me.  Hm.”

“Look, man, I—I wasn’t trying to give you an existential crisis or nothing.”

“It is an idea worth consideration.  Far from stupid, at any rate.”

“Huh.  Y-yeah, whatever,” Ryuji mumbles, rubbing the back of his head, unable to stop the huge grin spreading across his face.

“However, I do not believe I should be alone for such an ordeal, lest my emotions get the best of me.”

“Oh yeah, man, I’m sure that Akira would be glad to—“

“You were the one with the suggestion, were you not?  I would have you be my companion for this undertaking.”

Now it’s a blush that takes over Ryuji’s face.  He toys with a loose string coming out of a threadbare pillow as he says, “Really?  Uh…I dunno, man, I’d probably just be a distraction or something, yeah?  Wouldn’t you prefer, I dunno, Ann or somebody who’d be more patient?”

Yusuke places his brush beside the easel and takes a step towards Ryuji.  Ryuji has to resist the urge to push himself back as Yusuke slowly approaches; he’s no coward, but the sudden force of all Yusuke’s attention on him is nearly too much to handle.  To mask his fear, he leaps to his feet, still clinging to the pillow, so that Yusuke won’t be looming over him.

He’s close—too close—when he looks Ryuji up and down and murmurs, “No…I am certain I wish it to be you.  For a…change in perspective.”

Ryuji swallows and stutters out, “Ok, man, yeah, that sounds, uh, good.”

He’s sure to be in for an interesting few days.

**Author's Note:**

> im still highkey Fucked UP about persona 5, and in particular a line Yusuke says in the fifth palace. i don't remember the exact quote, but it's along the lines of "When one lives under great oppression, one begins to welcome it. I...experienced this firsthand for many years." that line hit me right where i live.
> 
> that being said, i wrote this to explore that feeling of yusuke's from a different angle. ryuji doesn't get many opportunities to be empathetic or insightful in the game, but i think the potential is in him. 
> 
> im playing ng+ over at haloud.tumblr.com!


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